Heart rate and psychosis monitor

Santa brought me a Polar RS300x heart rate monitor for Christmas. (I don't give a flip about the brand or model; not a gadget gal. But people searching on brand names sometimes fall down this rabbit hole. Is that you? Stay for beer.) Anyway.

Maybe you did not know that the Polar RS300x is a miraculous device. According to the Polar web site, once I have taken an initial baseline reading, I can set the exercise type to "Ownzone," and after my warmup, the monitor will gauge my physical and mental state and set my heart rate zones accordingly.

You heard right. The Polar RS300x can gauge my mental state. There isn't much room on the face of the wristwatch to display a complex message, so it will have to distill into a short phrase, like the one it displayed labelling my fitness level after the baseline reading.


But of course my heart rate monitor immediately detected that I was for a moment delusionally self-congratulatory. Next time out, it will probably set my target rate at 150 percent of max. To compensate.