Weight gain

I've been gaining weight slowly and steadily through the winter. I'm not sure why. The weight gain is playing with my head a little; the lack of understanding is playing with my head more.

It's difficult to talk even with my athlete friends about this because the first response is to try to make me feel better about it. I'm not discouraged. I've been building strength all winter. It's inconvenient to drag extra pounds around on the bike, especially going into race season.

It's annoying that the approach to diet and exercise I took through the winter (vegetarian proteins, short frequent workouts) didn't result in visible efficiencies. But okay, let's call it a 5 month experiment and let's make some changes.

The paradox is that the more I focus on the weight, the more weight I gain. This is an infallible pattern over the last 4 years of losing 60 pounds. Even if the thought crosses my mind that I want to lose weight, I'll pick up a pound or two. I don't know how that works, but it does. So the last thing I want to do right now is "try to lose weight" or fantasize about being slimmer.

I just stopped writing and tried on a bunch of my spring/summer clothes from last year. Hm. There's been a redistribution, and things are tighter. Not buy-new-clothes tighter. Instructive tighter. It seems some of the gain is muscle and some is fat. That's good news. The additional muscle can help me burn the additional fat.

This helps with the mind game. When I am running, as I am about to do in a few minutes, I'm not "paying for the weight gain." I'm "recruiting all my new muscle to learn to burn fat for fuel." In fact, these longer days of spring, when I wake up ready to jump and go, might prove very exciting.