Can I get a witness

I have never been a social beast, but wow, I gotta meet more people who ride mountain bikes. Riding with others looks like a great vibe. But it's not about not wanting to ride alone — it's just too bad depriving others of the comedy.

Pine Sapling
Rocky, twisty uphill. Grinding it out, by god not giving up, even with hopelessly low momentum. Reaching out to put a hand on the tree. Except it is a 3-foot-tall pine sapling that whips completely to the ground. It does exactly the same thing the second time around when I go horizontal on the same rock and reach for the same little bitty tree in exactly the same spot.

Delusions of Bad-Assedness
Put my tires on trail I had not ridden: an easier section of Violet, the more difficult loop. No feet down, just rode it, wheeee. Look at me, I am such a badass. I ride to the powerline and turn around. Because if I keep riding downhill, I'll have to turn around and ride up. And, ow, no, I don't wanna.

Pine Sapling, the Sequel
Oh, great ride! I am riding almost everything. I am STOKED, even hypnotized. Up and using my body to move the bike around corners, less brake. Pedaling through rocks and not having to calm my brain down; it just stays calm today. Crazy bounce uphill once, body going a different direction from the bike over every rock, and up, on, over, WHOO! So I feel like, y'know, a conquering marauder when I see I am going to ride successfully through a trickyish rock garden at the topmost point of the trail. I am all KINDS of self-congratulatory. And I ride directly into, over, high-centered stuck, THROUGH an 18-inch pine sapling. Pines 3, Pai infinity.

Ma'am, Do You Need Assistance?
I have a water bottle on my bike. Problem is, unless I stop, I don't reach down to grab it for a drink. Frankly, I'm not coordinated enough yet to drink and drive. And I don't want to stop. I don't realize I'm thirsty until I hit a long, rooty climb and am making WAAAA-AAAAA-OOOOO noises toward the top. My sides heaving. I guess I look and sound like a dying Pony Express horse. Because the rider coming toward me: "HEY! ARE YOU OK? WHERE'S YOUR WATER? YOU NEED WATER!"

No, my friend. I need (a) to lay off the holiday treats, (b) to get my bike out on the trail more, also increasing the odds of an audience to my comedic bicycle stylings, and (c) clearly, Santa to bring me a Camelbak. Cheers!